The Perfect Present

I have found the perfect present. I didn't find it in a store or get the idea from Pinterest. 

I am a perfectionist. Christmas is one of those times where I am constantly thinking of others. Wanting to make sure I let everyone know just how much I love and appreciate them. Wanting to find the perfect present. Even the mail carrier and trash collectors are usually on my list. As I rushed about this morning trying to find the perfect present for a few more people on my list, I paused for a moment. I was reminded of something I read when I was very young. The perfect present is here. It's now. There is no better gift. Rejoicing in the present, not worrying about the future or living in the past. Not every day is perfect but there is no time like the present to tell someone you care, share a laugh or even a cry. 

So if you are like me right now...thinking of all the unfinished shopping you have to do, the six loads of laundry that needs to be folded and the baking you haven't even thought about...STOP. Tomorrow isn't promised. The perfect present is already here. It's reading books with your kids or listening to them argue. It's that moment when you laugh because someone else you know has to clean up poop from walls too. It's that moment when your heart is so full of love you don't care that a meltdown happened at the grocery store earlier this week. It's finding happiness and enjoying the moment, ever how brief. 

I hope this Holiday Season you all find the Perfect Present. 

Thanks for reading~

Jessica 

Sisters

When I found out Emily was a girl, I was overjoyed. I had such great dreams of she and Anna Grace being best friends like my sister and I were. Dreams of them playing dolls and dress up together. Sharing secrets and laughing. 

I learned pretty quick that wasn't going to be the case for my girls. First off Anna Grace was jealous, as she had been the center of attention for almost 3 years. She didn't want any baby stealing her spotlight. However, as they both got older I still had hopes things would change. They only got worse as Emily's needs became overwhelming and I had to devote much of my time calming meltdowns and preventing tantrums. Anna Grace was annoyed and embarrassed most of the time. However, she was extremely defensive when it came to her sister. No one messed with Emily without Anna Grace having an opinion about it. 

There aren't very many times that these two girls get along. I suppose if Emily were typical the odds of them not get along would have the same chances. It always melts my heart though when I see an unforced hug or kind word between the two. I know that they both love and care for each other at times like this...

Thanks for reading,

Jessica 

One step forward, two steps back

It's another poop blog. It seems as though a fair portion of my life consists of it so I share in case I'm not alone.
Emily is in a regression with her pooping. I was hoping it was a one time incident a week ago but unfortunately I'm seeing a trend. Rather than dwell on the negative, I'm just going to find the humor in it and do what I have to do to get her back on track.

First off I am going to say this as I've said it before. When a bowel movement is in the potty or in a pamper, it's poop. When it is in panties and on other surfaces and items, it becomes shit in my book.

This morning Emily woke up early. I heard her in the bathroom and called up to check on her. She said she was pooping. I asked her if she wiped and she said yes. She has been doing this independently for less than a year. She will be 11 next week. She has been using toilet paper instead of my towels and washcloths(which she puts back under the sink dirty when she is done) for about 4 months. Much progress has been made in her independent pooping. Well I didn't go up to check right then since I was putting contacts in Anna Grace and straightening her hair while trying to get breakfast on the table. She came down and I got her dressed as usual. Before we left I did go up to glance under the sink to make sure there were no shitty towels in there. Not a one so I assumed toilet paper had been used. We took the other two kids to school and returned home to wait until it was time for her to go. As a precaution before I took her to school I decided to check to make sure she wiped good. I will be damned if when she pulled her pants down she didn't reach around with her hand and touch her hiney. That was my first indication it was bad! Poop on finger. I then looked down and saw a pile of shit in her panties. I instructed her to take her pants off which she did but stepped in the poopy panties while doing so. This was not a job a couple of wipes could clean so I put her in the tub. With less than 30 minutes to get to school and an empty tank of gas I ran upstairs to get more clothes after tossing the poopy panties in the trash. I walked in her room and nearly fainted. There was shit in her bed and on her precious Penny the Pig Scentsy Buddy. Apparently she had not wiped with anything and had gotten back into bed using the sheets as toilet paper.

The sadness lies in the fact that progress had been made. She was doing so well in this very important skill. This is the third time in recent weeks she has been content to have poop in her panties without saying a word to me. She doesn't poop often and it's always been a huge part of her struggles when and if she goes. I will just have to work with her more to regain the skills she just had. One step forward and two steps back sometimes but we persevere.

The humor in this is that it is not typical. It's not something you wake up on a Monday morning and think...Yippee I'm going to clean poop today. In hindsight I'm almost glad I don't see these things coming. So today I laugh in the face of autism and say I can handle any shit that comes my way. Bring it.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

Sun sets on summer

First off this summer was a bust. My typical kids didn't read a book. They didn't go to any summer camps. They sat here and played games and watched tv all summer. Sure we took a few trips and did some fun stuff but my typical summer schedule flew out the window somewhere around the second week of June and I just didn't have it in me to make this one the Best Summer Ever. Sue me.

I could feel guilty about it and in all honesty I do. But here's what I am going to say about that. I spend the entire year, summers included, thinking about my kids. They spend 9 months out of the year absorbing all the information that's thrown at them. I gave them a break. I wasn't in their face asking them to do anything this summer because I had a lot going on myself. I never stopped working with Emily however. Due to serious regression, she isn't afforded the luxury of doing nothing. I am not given a break from helping her. She blossomed this summer because of the work I did with her. I feel GREAT about that.

So to all the mama's who feel like they didn't achieve super star status this summer I say Good Job! Don't let anyone else make you feel like you didn't live up to their expectations of what you should have done with your kids. Unless someone wants to come and be camp counselor in the crazy house that I call home, I am not going to feel badly that the sun sets on summer and it may not have been the best one ever. We survived. And there's always next summer. I hope that the break of summer rested you up for the long days ahead and it's the Best School Year Ever.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

I'm still standing

I came across a quote earlier today that said "On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days is 100%, and that's pretty good."

I immediately started singing "I'm still standing" by Elton John with a visual of an old barn in my mind. I am a bit quirky like that. There are days that I honestly don't think I will get through the incessant talking and questions from Emily and the constant reassuring I do. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. I was successful in getting her to stop asking me questions repeatedly by using a visual with a stop sign. She would ask the same thing over and over every few minutes. However being as smart as she is, she replaced it with something other than a question. A statement. A simple "I love you mama". There are many of my friends who have never heard those words from their kids. I am extremely blessed that she can say them to me. I must respond to her statement with "I love you too." If I do not reply she says it for me and attempts to get me to repeat it. It's a security and attachment issue with her. She only does this to me. I'm not exaggerating when I say repeatedly. This past weekend my brother in law asked me if I had ever tried to count how many times she told me she loved me in a day. It's impossible. If I were to guess I would say 200 at the least. My sister said she would rather her go back to asking questions.

I feel like an old barn at times. I'm still standing at the end of every day no matter how worn and ragged I look or feel. While I sometimes struggle with the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion of raising a special needs kid along with everyday life, I know without a doubt I am loved. Because I hear it approximately 200 times a day. That is enough to keep me standing.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

The lady with the coffee scares me

For the past few days Emily has been saying "The lady with the coffee scares me". I had no idea what she was talking about. It could have been me since I'm never without a coffee cup in the mornings and I can be scary. I asked her if she saw it on a movie or on her iPad to which I got no response other than her repeating that the lady scared her. It was brought up several times a day and I could tell she was visualizing whatever it was and was truly anxious about it.

One of the very first indicators that Emily was not "typical" was when she was around 8 months old. The way she looked at books was odd. She looked at them with a puzzled look and very closely. I took her to a pediatric ophthalmologist who assured me everything was fine. At the age of two her anxiety was so severe that it was debilitating for her. She was scared of everything. Mostly people. It was also at that time when in a crowd of people she was say "Where's mommy?". I would be holding her but she would scan the crowd and ask. I took her back to the ophthalmologist who again told me her vision was fine other than being slightly nearsighted. He did however mention face blindness. She was able to differentiate between family members and those we knew so we brushed it off, but the idea was there that she was not processing faces correctly. It was almost 2 years later before she was diagnosed with Autism.

Individuals with Autism process information differently. I knew that Emily was affected visually more than anything else. I still didn't know how she saw things, only that it was different and often scary for her. Many studies have been done on individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders and the face processing anomaly. The brain perceives faces in a way that makes it difficult for her to recognize the full face. It also makes it difficult for her to read emotions in others. This has affected her life in so many ways. While I can teach her to control her anxiety in relation to her fears I can't change the way her brain views things. It is one of the more difficult challenges I face as a mama to a kid on the spectrum.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

And if you are wondering who the "lady with the coffee" was...

Mama and her man jobs

I am known as somewhat of a man hater. I'm not going to lie, there's a good bit that annoys me about men in general. But mostly I just like the reputation.

As a female, I find it offensive that jobs are defined as either male or female. I take it as a personal challenge whenever I'm told I can't do something because I'm a woman. Not to mention I am a penny pincher. If there is any way I can save a dollar by doing it myself you can bet I will. Just some of the jobs I've done myself instead of calling a repair"man" have included changing the spark plugs on my SUV, fixing broken toilet levers and valves multiple times( autism tends to be the cause of that in our house), replacing the lower coils in the oven, cutting grass, installing washers and dryers(because I refuse to pay a delivery fee. Yes I'm that cheap), along with many chores around the house that are typically male defined. Another important reason for me to take on these jobs is show other women it can be done.

My latest man job was taking down the swing set that a generous neighbor gave to us many years ago. My kids have gotten many hours of enjoyment from it. However, the wood was rotting, the ladder and slide had broken off, it was home to nests of bumble bees and roaches and it was much to unsafe for me to allow my big kids to swing. Emily has sensory needs and swinging is one of them. Having her get injured by swinging too high was not something I could chance so I began a two day job of taking it down with a hammer and my hands.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

I'm full of it

I can't believe I'm blogging yet again about poop. I can't believe I'm about to tell a story about my personal involvement with poop. However, a lot can't be learned from poop and I need to vent, so I will bury my dignity for a moment to dump my load. Pun intended.

Several weeks ago I got a terrible backache. It was shortly after I carried 80 pound Emily down a dirt trail so it didn't surprise me. The pain began to move to my right side under my ribs and I was needing a heating pad to get through the night. I began to worry
that it could be my appendix, gall bladder, kidney. I had only been to the doctor once in 6 years. I am a pretty tough girl and don't go for just anything. But I was in pain and scared so I went to the dr in the box. After some x-rays it was discovered that the source of my pain was constipation. Yes poop. I saw it all right there. I was full of it. Being a coffee drinker I can tell you I am quite regular but for reasons beyond my control I was backed up.

Fast forward a few weeks on a trip to the beach, Luke began to vomit occasionally and was in terrible pain in his side. After three days of this I took him to the emergency room at the beach. Five hours, blood work, IV fluids and x-rays and his diagnosis...constipation. Yes he was full of it too.

Being the parent of a 10 year old on the spectrum I have had my share of poop dialogues. I could write a book about poop. Here's a short list of what I have learned from poop and how it symbolizes life(for me anyway):

1) It stinks sometimes
2) It is painful at times
3) I always feel better when I empty the negative waste out
4) Even being constant in my daily life sometimes I need a good cleanse.
5) Filling my body full of good things(thoughts) will help eliminate the crap.

My list might be longer but I'm on my second cup of coffee and it's kicking in. Moral of my story...Get rid of the shit that weighs you down. Be so full of life and love that nothing negative can stay for long. And keep smiling no matter what.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

Tooth Fairy Fall Apart

I am just going to come right out and say it. I don't like being the tooth fairy. For many years that wasn't my job. I was only responsible for the extraction of the teeth. Having three kids who lose teeth simultaneously sometimes gets a bit expensive. I also did not set the monetary value of teeth. But alas I now have three kids who expect a mighty high compensation for their pearly whites.

Just this past week two darlings lost a tooth. Luke lost his 4th tooth. It's still a very big deal to him. After his last tooth was somehow lost on the playground at school he got $20 for the drama that ensued when he couldn't find it. Well the tooth fairy didn't have a twenty dollar bill this time, she only had a $5. So she left it knowing the next morning would bring gripes and complaints. To which I matter of factly told him the extra $15 went to replacing the food I had to throw away after he peed in the pantry while I was away on a mini vacation.

Now here is really why I don't like being the tooth fairy. Emily doesn't like anyone near her mouth. She also can't stand the sensation of a wiggly tooth. So she has pulled every tooth from her mouth since the age of 6. I don't mind this. It's less work for me. However, pulling a tooth out that isn't quite ready creates all kinds of drama. Usually there's a good bit of blood. Over half of her teeth have broken in half as she pulls them out. One part staying in and the other coming out. All while she runs in circles. Literally runs in circles screaming until the other part comes out. All while I'm chasing her in circles to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. It is not fun to know your child is ripping teeth from her mouth before they are ready.

This was the case the other day. It broke. I have no idea where the other half of the tooth went but we got part of it in a ziplock. Thank goodness. Now the part that's stressful. Putting a tooth under a pillow. We used to have a special pillow that hung on the bed but it got lost. So now the tooth goes under the pillow in a ziplock. Many kids on the spectrum are not good sleepers. I am here to tell you once Emily goes to sleep we all tiptoe around and the lights stay off. Well I waited until I knew she was good and asleep before I crawled across the room(yes I crawl) with her money. She sleeps under the covers and not on the pillow so it's usually a 1 minute in and out job. I have perfected it but the stress of waking her up still petrifies me. She's out. I reach my hand under the pillow for that ziplock that I carefully placed there just two hours before. It's not there. It's NOT there. Now time is ticking. The longer I stay the more chance she is going to wake up. That can't happen. I take a quiet breath and feel again under the pillow. Nope nothing. I know she can feel the heat from my body and hear my heart beating as I carefully feel around in the dark for that ziplock. Nothing. I think maybe it's under the bed. I'm back on all fours feeling around. Still nothing. I decide to go out and get my phone to shine the light. This is already 4 minutes in and I am in near panic mode having to bring in a light. I just know she's going to wake up now. I'm quiet as a crawl back across the room with my phone looking under the bed and on top of the covers. The damn tooth is just no where to be found and I've already been on the job 10 minutes. I'm sweating and my breathing is shallow as I am trying not to panic and wake her up. I do what every good parent does at this point. I put the $5 under that pillow and say to hell with the tooth.

I did find the tooth the next day. She had hidden it under a pile of clothes on the other twin bed in her room. Why? Because teeth don't belong under pillows.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

Throw back picture of Emily at the age of 6

Can you type it

I made the decision this past year to teach Emily to type. Not as a replacement for handwriting, which is still extremely difficult for her, but as another tool to help her communicate and navigate the world independently.

Emily is able to use a computer. She can play educational games using a mouse and can type if given a model. She uses her iPad to access YouTube and apps that help her with just about every skill she has difficulty with. As with many kids on the spectrum Emily learns by repetition and from watching others. While YouTube is often inappropriate for young kids Emily has a long list of things she likes to watch. Mostly tv shows or movie clips. Since she is unable to spell I am constantly typing what she wants to watch every 15-20 minutes some days. I have decided to use her love of YouTube as a teaching tool. Starting a few days ago I am no longer typing for her. If she wants to watch something then she has to help sound it out and type it herself. Fortunately YouTube has word prediction. While she can't spell she can identify many words. I am also using YouTube as a teaching guide for many life skills that we are just starting to work on, such as gardening. I can take her in the garden and have her type in one of the plants we have, to access videos on that particular vegetable and learn facts about it. I intend on doing this daily throughout the summer to expose her to a variety of new skills. We were also fortunate enough to get an alphasmart keyboard from school to use this summer to type. I will use this to help her compose sentences and stories about what she is learning on her iPad through her experiences. I am hoping that her love of watching videos will motivate her to learn to type as well as learn many new things that will be relevant for the rest of her life.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

Autism April

Today is the end of autism awareness month. I have enjoyed sharing some of the funny stories about Emily. I am so appreciative of the support that I receive daily though you all reading my blog and commenting. Every day is an autism awareness day for me. I am constantly learning new methods in dealing with behaviors. I am constantly educating others about Emily. Raising a special needs child is sometimes lonely and scary. The future looms over my head and as much as I want to know exactly what it holds for her, I don't. I know that there is much planning I have to do in the next few years to prepare her for a life once she is out of school. She will always be with me and for that I am grateful. She is such a bright light even on the darkest of days. The humor I find in the things she does is second to none. I truly wish that everyone could see her as I do.

Thanks for reading, sharing laughs and getting to know my Emily!

~Jessica~

I've been called many things but never this

Yesterday I was folding clothes in Luke's room by myself when Emily walked in and said, "Come here little fellow. I need to show you something." I've been called a lot of things before but never a "little fellow". My first thought was that she sees me do so many "man jobs" around the house that she actually thinks I'm a guy. I don't know why that struck me first but it did. As I followed her out of the room she wanted me to see the snails on the hardwoods. We don't actually have snails on the hardwoods but apparently there is a monster on Monsters Inc that looks like a snail to her. She thinks that the different lines and shapes in the hardwoods look like snails. So she wanted to show me the snails. All while holding her Monsters Inc DVD in her hands.

I don't know where "little fellow" came
from or even if she was really addressing me as a little fellow but I liked it. It was different and I've been called worse. Gave me a giggle.

This is how we roll

I am somewhat of a clean freak. There are certain areas that I just can't ever keep clean however. One being the garage and the other being my car. I am in my car 3 hours every day. Emily is in the car with me for 2 hours. To occupy her and keep me sane she eats in the car. Fast food. Junk food. I don't usually care as long as she is happy.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. Emily is a nasty eater. Food goes in her mouth and sometimes it comes back out. The third row of my SUV could be a petri dish. There are French fries on the floor. The cup holder is filled with whatever liquid has seeped through the bottom of the cup. It's so disgusting I don't like getting back there. Sometimes I even hear Anna Grace say, Ewww Emily don't eat that!" As long as my girl is happy and I don't have stuff thrown at my head while I'm driving, I am good with it.

This is what happens when she eats cheese puffs in my car. The roof becomes a napkin!

The Fair!

It's that time...The fair comes to our town twice a year. It's at Oak Mountain Amphitheater and we pass it twice a day going to school. Emily can spot the ferris wheel from the road and her obsessive compulsive disorder kicks in right away. All I hear is "Can we go to the fair?" "What do they have there?" repeatedly. For those who have been around a child on the spectrum, you know how intense an obsession can be. There are days that Emily's obsession of the fair turns into tantrums because she wants to go so bad. If she would actually ride the rides without it being an exhausting experience for us both I might take her. But I know what it will be like. She wants to ride the ride. She talks about riding the ride. We wait in the line. We get to the front of the line and she panics. She wants to ride but she's scared. Screaming ensues and I'm stuck with stares from all around. Knowing Emily as I do, I know that she wants to ride. Bracing myself for the fight I drag her kicking and screaming onto the ride amidst more stares and finger pointing. Her heart is racing and she white knuckles the bar. The ride starts and the wind hits her hair and she is free. One finger in her ear to block out the noise. One hand on the bar. A smile on her face. We get off. She wants to go again.

After school this week I decided to surprise her and take her right by the fair. These pictures may not stay in order of surprise due to posting from my phone but you get the idea.

You have to wear panties to the prom

Emily has the prom at school tomorrow. I tried her dress on her before bath tonight and decided to just let her walk around in her panties while I got her bath ready. As I walked downstairs to get towels she followed behind me saying aloud to herself, "Honey, you have to wear panties to the prom."

Yes Emily. You have to wear panties to the prom.

Sharley Temples

A few years ago Emily got the entire Shirley Temple collection on DVD. Much to my delight she loved them. She calls her Sharley Temples. In the past several months when watching them she feels the need to change clothes many times, which I don't mind because she needs to learn how to dress independently. However, she can't put the clothes away and throws them on the closet floor when she is done. Talk about a mess. She likes wearing dresses and bathing suits most to pretend she is "Sharley" although they never match. For some reason she also likes to mark her body up with the expo markers we keep in her room for therapy.

I don't know what goes through her mind when she watches her beloved Sharley Temples, but I can say for sure that she is learning a valuable lesson by dressing herself and for that I can't get upset about the mess she makes in her closet. As for the marker all over her body I have to think about that one. I can't think of a more suitable show for Emily to watch than Shirley Temple.

Extreme couponing autism style

I think most people know I am tight with a dollar and love to save money by using coupons. Here is a prime example of why an autism parent might benefit from couponing.

In less than 18 hours(15 of which were spent asleep or at school) my kids managed to eat 20 chocolate covered granola bars. Now I know 6 of those twenty were split amongst 3 people. The other 14 were eaten by Emily. Who doesn't eat the entire bar before she throws it away and opens another one. I found the remnants of 3 after she had already consumed the other 11 at some point during a 3 hour time span.

Autism eating can be expensive....

Don't eat upstairs. It will cause rats.

I'm terrified of mice and rats. After an incident with a stalker mouse last summer, I have since banned any and all food from being eaten upstairs. My oldest however, being a teenager, lives in her room and I am constantly finding food hidden everywhere. I say aloud every time I find a leftover pop tart in the window sill or cracker crumbs on the floor after I've vacuumed, "Don't eat upstairs. It will cause rats." Emily has picked up the phrase and uses it often.

Tonight I caught Anna Grace with a sleeve of ritz crackers in her room and gave her the speech. Emily was in her own room and had obviously heard me. As I walked in her room she was under the bed saying aloud, "Don't eat upstairs. It will cause rats." As she came out from under the bed she had one of her sensory chewies in her mouth. I appreciate her willingness to obey my rules even if she does try to copy her older sister by using objects that can't be eaten but go in the mouth. I gave her props for making that association but reaffirmed my rule of "Don't eat upstairs. It will cause rats".

Hair drying...the next Olympic sport

Drying Emily's hair every night for the past 8 years has been somewhat of an Olympic sport. Due to sensory issues she does not like having her hair dried. It's the noise of the hair dryer as well as the feel of the brush. Just brushing her hair every morning gives me a workout as I usually complete no fewer than 2 laps around the living room chasing her with a brush. Hair drying is different. More intense. Longer time involved. Not to mention she has the thickest head of hair.

It starts at the sink with her looking at a book or her iPad while I start the process of drying her golden mane. Her fingers go in her ears several times
to block out the sound. After several minutes she becomes overstimulated and wants to leave the bathroom. It is at this point that the 8 years of training for this hair drying event kicks in. I am
swift in my movements as I back up in front of the door. My body is not wide enough to cover the entire opening so I shift my hip to one side and lean with my upper body to the other. All the while both hands are working simultaneously. One brushing and the other drying. Body in place and braced for what's about to happen as she turns from the sink and bolts for the door. I stand firm in that door willing myself to complete the event before my competition takes me down. I don't take away the gold medal every night but the blood(yes sometimes there is blood), sweat and tears that the Olympic event of hair drying takes prepares me for other such events in our daily routine.

R-E-S-P-I-T-E...find out what it means to me

Respite is what many special needs parents call a break. There are different ways that a parent can receive respite care for their child. Many churches hold respite nights once a month. Some parents have sitters or family members that watch their kids. And then there are parents like me who do not utilize any respite care.

There are many reasons I don't get breaks very often. First it is expensive if you have to pay someone to keep 3 kids. I'm tight with a dollar and have a hard time justifying a few hours of me time for that amount of money. Second
it takes a special person to watch a child with special needs. It has to be someone that not only you trust but someone your child trusts. Third it is often not worth the break to return to a
child who is thrown off of their routine because you needed a few hours to yourself. Those are my reasons for not taking breaks.

Today however I was fortunate enough to have my parents keep all three kids while I take a much needed break. The first thing I thought of was getting a hotel room with a cheap bottle of wine, a pack of cigarettes and a book. I don't smoke but the idea sounded cool. Emily had tons of questions about where she was going. Why I wasn't going with her and what I was going to do without her. I told her I was paying bills and doing work.
She bought it and here I sit relaxing and drinking wine. No cigarettes. Enjoying a much needed break.

Rock me mama like a wagon wheel

While eating at our local Mexican restaurant, I made the connection to the song Wagon Wheel when I saw Emily obsessing about the wagon wheels that are a prominent fixture throughout. I don't know why she doesn't like the wagon wheels that are a staple in Hacienda. Maybe it's the spokes. Maybe it's that they hang from the ceiling. Maybe she just doesn't like wagon wheels. I don't know. It also made me think of all the bumpy roads we've been down and maybe that's why she doesn't like wagon wheels. Thinking of the lyrics made me think of all the nights I spent rocking her to sleep. Or not to sleep. She loved to be rocked but as soon as I stopped her little eyes would pop right open. Come to think of it I'm sure she would not want me to rock her like a wagon wheel. She just wants her mama close.

The next time we eat at Hacienda however I will start singing Wagon Wheel to her in hopes that she won't tell me 100 times that those darn wagon wheels scare her. Or maybe I could ask the owners to change their decor. Or we could find another restaurant.

Tickle Me Elvis

Emily is an old soul. Since she was a little girl she has loved black and white movies, musicals and old school singers. Elvis has been a favorite ever since she stumbled upon Viva Las Vegas on tv one day many years ago. She loved the music and the man. However until just recently she called him Viva Las Vegas. She even got confused after seeing John Travolta in Grease and called him Viva Las Vegas. The hair threw her off.

When we go to the book store she asks for Elvis books. She can't read so she likes the photography books found in the Biography section. She asks me every day to type Elvis into her iPad so she can watch clips from his movies. She has perfected the dance moves from the period. Tickle Me is another great Elvis movie. Every morning before school we get to listen to Dirty, Dirty Feeling from that movie. She makes me laugh so hard when she dances like Ann-Margret from Viva Las Vegas. She loves her Elvis.

Honey! Son!

I have a habit of calling the girls "Honey" quite a bit and Luke gets called "Son". It's usually when I'm slightly annoyed with a behavior or am trying to get a point across without completely losing my cool. Emily has taken up use of those two words as well. Nearly every sentence she says to herself starts with Honey. For example she might say aloud, "Honey. Honey. You can't eat another piece of cake." Or she might say "Honey, it's ok. Don't ask another question." She also only refers to Luke as "Son" now. "Son don't get all of that out" is something she might say if he were playing in her room.

I think they are endearing terms for her to use and don't think twice about it. Luke doesn't seem to mind that she calls him Son. As a matter of fact he tends to listen to what she says when she does call him that. Like when she recently told him, "Son, I don't feel good. Can you get me a blanket?" and he took care of her. Don't tell me my girl is not smart using my words for her benefit.

April Showers

April showers bring May flowers is the saying but I am here to tell you what springtime rain does to Emily. Water is a sensory need for Emily. She loves the water and it calms her. If I had the money we would live near water for her benefit. Ok maybe mine too. For now though we are forced to take showers and baths in the tub to satisfy those sensory needs.

Warmer temps and rain make Emily think beach and swimming pools. She doesn't understand that we are no where near either, so she is forced to improvise. She used to just strip naked and run out the door if it were raining and she wanted to get wet. Screaming and yelling if I told her no. That's when I introduced bath and shower "pools". As she has gotten older and watched hundreds of videos on kiddie pools she has learned to pretend there is a pool in our house. On a recent rainy Sunday she could be found in her bathing suit sliding down the stairs on a float(pillow) into the pool(floor). This went on for almost an hour and I just let her have her fun splashing and swimming about.

"And I wonder still I wonder who'll stop the rain"

Buckle up and enjoy the ride

Emily accomplished a longtime goal today. Many years and tears on the daily crazy train and she finally learned to buckle her seat belt all by herself. She was as surprised as I was and so proud of herself. We had just come from McDonalds where she exclaimed,
"I can get big French fries now?" Of course I gave her mine instead of the 4 fries that come in happy meals now.

It honestly could not have come at a better time. Just this morning Anna Grace was buckling her up in the backseat for me, when Emily started flailing around and Anna Grace hit her hard in the nose and made her cry. Maybe that was the straw that broke the camels back. Anna Grace usually helps to buckle her in the mornings but it isn't her favorite thing to do.

For those who don't know car rides are a nightmare for us. I am the parent who stands behind her words, "Don't make me stop this car." I've had to break up many a beatdown in the backseat between the girls. Hair and fists flying I am surprised no one has called the cops. So while this post isn't really funny, I can avoid the drama that ensues nearly every day and I can save my ever old and creaking knees when I have to climb in the backseat myself!

I found God

Emily has a thing for Preachers. Specifically televangelists. Over the years we have been to church and vacation bible school some, but not nearly as much as I would like. When Emily was younger and her social anxiety related to stores was severe I taught her to pray during the times she felt most afraid. I couldn't be home bound with 3 kids so taking her places that I knew would result in massive panic attacks for her was difficult. Once during an extremely long wait in the check out line at Michaels when she was 4, she became anxious and asked me if she could pray. Right there in the line she dropped to her knees and prayed. It's just something I always encouraged although the stares weren't uncommon.

Joyce Meyer has been a long time favorite of hers. Luckily she used to come on television before school so it made our morning transition easier. She had a tv in her room and would turn it on as we were getting ready. One morning I was in the kitchen getting the other two kids ready and I heard her scream. It was the scream that said shit is about to hit the fan and there will be no turning back. I started calling up to her asking what was wrong only to get more screams. By the time I was heading up the stairs I heard her call out, "It's ok. I found God." She could not find the station and it upset her. She associates preachers with God and therefore they are called such. It gave me quite a giggle to hear her say that. Not long after that, scheduling changed and we were forced to watch episodes on the laptop before school. I can think of worse obsessions to have.

You farted and it stinks

As much as I like to be a classy, well rounded(not my body) woman, I do find humor in the most inappropriate things. Emily has just become aware of her ability to pass gas. She isn't shy about it either. She has never burped since she was an infant and becomes agitated if anyone else burps aloud. She doesn't like the sound. However she does find toots from other people funny. I suppose this led to her fascination with flatulence and her ability to get attention from it.

At least 3 days a week she passes gas in the car. It's loud and it stinks. One of the other kids usually blurts out "You farted and it stinks" to her. Now Emily doesn't have a ton of unscripted speech. She tends to take what other people say and apply that to her own conversations with herself or others. She also has a difficult time with pronouns. For instance if I were to say to her, "You need to go potty". She will say to me "You need to go potty" when she needs to go instead of "I need to go potty". It is something we are working on. Well after repeatedly being told "you farted and it stinks" by her siblings, she likes to repeat that aloud when she passes gas. It is quite humiliating when I am sitting next to her in a crowd of people and she toots and blurts "You farted and it stinks". All eyes on me after being accused of letting one rip by my 10 year old.

Partment Books

Like many individuals on the autism spectrum, Emily has some unique interests and obsessions. I allow her to indulge in most as they are innocent and entertaining to her. I do believe that there is something to be gained when I allow her to follow her interests.

For the past 7 years she has had a fascination/obsession with guide books. All types. Travel, local resource guides and her favorite...apartment guides. She calls them "partment books". These are the books that are found at grocery stores or convenience stores. For the past 7 years every trip to the store resulted in her picking up an apartment guide. This could be as often as 2-3 times a week. It didn't matter if she already had 10 at home or even one in the car. She needed another one. I would have to clean out her room every few months just to make room for more.

So if you are in the market for an apartment in my area don't hesitate to
ask Emily which one she recommends. She is knowledge on the ones that have the best amenities including the most important...the pool.

Sisterly love

My girls are a little less than two years and nine months apart. I always dreamed of girls. I didn't want any stinky boys. I just knew my girls would be the best of friends growing up like my sister and I. Boy was I wrong. From day one the jealousy of Emily's older sister was evident. I thought it was a phase that would pass. As they got older I realized that my dream was nothing more than that. A dream. I chalked it up to Emily's autism for a long time and then just accepted the fact that had Emily been typical, their personalities would not have matched and I would have been looking at many years of sibling rivalry anyway. However both are fiercely protective of one another.

It is usually Anna Grace that gets annoyed with Emily. For many reasons that I am sure would annoy most people. Emily thinks Anna Grace hung the moon but tells her frequently she has pimples. Emily does not get jealous much as that's a hard concept for her to grasp. However...when Anna Grace asked me to take her picture in front of the Mariachi Men at a Mexican restaurant, Emily was quite annoyed. Looks like this rarely happen and I was
glad to capture the moment.

Chuck E Cheese-Where a kid can be a kid

Emily has had an obsession with Chuck E Cheese for years. She has had at least 4 of her 10 birthday parties there. Her fascination with the characters can go from anxious to loving. She doesn't really understand the more advanced games and prefers to spend her time in the toddler area. She also likes the pizza.

As the years have gone by her anxiety over some of the rides in the toddler area has decreased. I never thought I would see the day she would willingly get up on that mechanical horse. It took her several years before she independently did it without having a complete panic attack. Mind you she always wanted to ride it, she was just scared. She would ask to get on and then flail like I was trying to torture her if I attempted to help her on. Her favorite activity at Chuck E Cheese though is the Kiddie Coaster. It is like a real roller coaster with a simulated screen in front. She loves it and people know she loves it. At 10 years old she is almost to big to fit in the kiddie coaster. My question to Chuck E Cheese would be...At what age can a kid not be a kid anymore? Because it will be a sad day when she can no longer fit in her coaster.

Bad Barbies

We have at least 100 Barbies. Some of them were mine when I was a little girl. I cut all their hair off to make them look like boys. I even have a early 80's Ken doll with a mustache. Tons of old clothing to boot. I was excited to share them with my girls.

Emily loves playing with Barbies. However those Barbies tend to be a bit wild and end up passed out. Barbies either ride on each others shoulders or they are face down naked. I honestly don't know her reasoning behind this type of play but I am sure it is scripted. Sometimes the Barbies even get invited to play with the other dolls but they are so bad they are usually passed out.