True Colors-Purple

For those joining in late, I am highlighting a different color each day to represent the broad spectrum that autism represents. You can read about it in my first post kicking off Autism Awareness Month. Today's color is Purple. Emily wore a purple dress today. Purple Rain by Prince is one of my all time favorite songs. It's also the color of bruises. 

Emily has learned over the years to control much of her impulsiveness. There wasn't much warning in the early years before a meltdown or tantrum would occur and she would resort to what's known as "fight or flight" as a way of dealing with the stress and anxiety of everyday life. She would run from teachers, run from classrooms or attack whoever was in close proximity. Many people don't know the severity of those early years because I didn't talk about it much. I was in what's known as "survival mode". Many might say denial as well. As Emily has matured the outbursts have lessened. However, with her growth, when she does have a tantrum or meltdown they are intense and they hurt. She usually saves the "fight" for herself or me. I take some comfort in knowing that she can control herself around others and they are safe although you can never let your guard down. I would rather her take her frustrations out on me than herself or anyone else. I am here to say the biting and the pinching that she does makes me cry, usually not from the physical as much as the emotional aspect. 

One of the things that I wish people knew and understood is that Emily doesn't want to hurt herself or me. She is just doing what her primitive brain tells her to do. The attacks are often in public unfortunately. It is horrific to have your child, who is almost as big as you, attack you in public. One of the things I wish people would do is not stare. I can't stop an attack once it's started. I can only remove Emily from hurting herself or anyone else. That usually involves me dragging her to a safe place that's quiet and out of the way. It's a spectacle at best. It's also exhausting for us both.

 If you encounter an episode like I've described, know that the child isn't a brat and that the parent is doing what is best for the safety of the child and others. You might also offer a understanding smile. No words needed. Just non judgemental glances while we nurse our purple wounds. 

            Bite mark from the Museum 

          Scratches from Cheerleading 

Thanks for reading~

Jessica