Black also represents sorrow and grief. On this Good Friday, I decided to blog about the color black and discuss the sorrow and grief also associated with autism. For me personally, I never really grieved over the loss of what Emily could have been. I accepted her diagnosis early on and focused my attention on ways I could make her life better. I have moments of sadness, but the most sorrow I feel comes from my inability to spend equal amounts of time with each of my children. Emily requires constant care and attention. I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted every day. Unless you have a child with special needs, that is very difficult to understand. I try to get quality time with the other two often but because life is as it is, that doesn't happen much. Even conversations in the car about their day isn't 100 percent undivided attention because Emily is there interrupting with her needs of reassurance. So sometimes when I know our hearts need it most, I let Anna Grace or Luke stay home from school. I get to have that quality time that we need and they deserve.
Accepting that I am doing all I can to be a good mama to all three of my kids is the hardest struggle I face. The sacrifices I make are nothing compared to being the sibling of a kid on the spectrum. Today will be a Good Friday indeed because I'm spending it with my baby boy. I will also probably wear black.
With Luke after his Boosterthon Fun Run
Thanks for reading~
Jessica
eye opening and heart tugging---good job.
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