True Colors-Gray

Gray...the neutral color between black and white. In our journey over the spectrum, I love the color gray. It is the period that I can stop, reflect and actually have a moment of clarity. In my experience with autism, things are black and white. Good and bad. Cut and dry. Other "colors" can be scary because they require me thinking outside of the old crayon box. I have become accustomed to a way of life I never knew existed. So while I am exploring all of the beautiful colors on the spectrum, the truth of the matter is, it takes quite a bit of creativity sometimes to get through the day. No one wants to use broken crayons, and the fear of meltdowns and tantrums, often keep me coloring in the lines with my standard black and white crayons. It's what I know works. 

Gray is also known as a calming color. Emily has become very good at knowing what soothes her. For that I am eternally grateful. She has a back massager that she brings to me often when she is stressed. She asks for her "tickle back". It's during these gray times that I realize how far she has come, but also how difficult life is for her. 

So while I complain about the stress I deal with daily, her world is much more complex than mine. My job is to help her paint the beautiful pictures of life I know she's capable of creating. To do that I have to use all of the colors. I have to be prepared to deal with broken crayons and know that there's still some use, even from the tiniest bit of wax, and that the periods of gray will come when I need them most. 

Emily getting her "tickle back" before bed

Thanks for reading~

Jessica