You are the Music in Me

I am a music lover. I am not musically gifted like my oldest, Anna Grace(who can play music by ear) or like Emily who can carry a tune very well, despite the fact she has a speech delay. I do however "think" in music. Some people are visual thinkers, some are auditory(maybe I fall in this category) and some are tactile. I can think of a song to go with just about any situation, comment or thought. This week, I started having fun on facebook. When driving in my car, I heard a heavy metal rock song and turned in into a post on facebook. "Metal Monday" I had "Take it back Tuesday" and One-Hit Wonder Wednesday. Today is Theatrical Thursday(my fav). Music inspires me. It drives me. It makes me feel better.

I have always encouraged music with my kids. They have participated in Kindermusik, taken piano lessons, and done music therapy. Emily's school is a Shelby County school for disabled kids. I found out last year, that they did NOT have music for those kids. They have drums come in from another school occasionally to perform. When they have plays, because the majority of kids are non verbal, they have a middle school choir come in. I was quite upset that these kids were not giving the opportunity to experience music in a way that could benefit them in so many ways! You don't have to sing to enjoy music. Actually you don't even have to hear to enjoy music. I am happy to report that yesterday Emily came home and said she went to MUSIC! She was so very excited(as she loves music as much if not MORE than me) and was trying to repeat the song they had learned. Her heart was happy singing and doing the motions.

Today is Theatrical Thursday. I am including a clip from the very first Broadway play my kids were exposed to when they were around 3 yrs old. They saw this version of Peter Pan(on video) before they ever saw Disney's version. Believe it or not, they prefer Broadway.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OWAfvd7WY0

Say, Say, Say

There is some sort of cold going around our house. Everyone has scratchy throats, coughs and sniffly sneezes. Luke lost his voice yesterday. He woke up this morning and whispered that he needed to speak sign language today. He brought home a list of signs from school last week and has been practicing. Anna Grace also signed up for a sign language class at school this year! I am amazed at their interest in communicating with others. We are blessed that Emily is verbal, however she has several friends who are non verbal. A little boy in her class is hearing impaired and uses signs. Emily has come home several times trying to repeat the signs she has seen him use at school. Anna Grace and Luke have always asked me questions about kids with disabilities and I have always been honest with them. I wanted first and foremost for them to have empathy for kids like Emily. All of my kids are talkers. They talk NON-STOP! Car rides consist of all 3 talking or babbling at the same time. I often feel guilty for needing to tune them out!  It warms my heart theat they have an interest in sign language without my encouraging or coaxing them to learn. They truly have it in their heart to communicate with others in a way that most of us don't know. It makes me extremely proud!

Courageous versus Complacent

The sermon at church a few weeks ago was based on a series about being courageous. This particular sermon talked about courageous versus complacent. It really struck a chord with me. I join the millions of other individuals who have become complacent in everyday life. Walking down the road that is familiar and safe because I lack courage to make a change. Accepting my life and those obstacles that appear without doing much to change them. Complacent, because I am scared of making mistakes or dissapointing others.

This sermon was after I decided to help the Buddies for Autistic Kids campaign, which was a huge jump out of my comfort zone. It took more courage than I thought I had. I have come to a point in my life where I feel the need to make a difference in the world(or just my own little part in the play).
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts," (William Shakespeare)

Becoming courageous is something that I will continue to strive towards. Making changes within myself to overcome complacency. I have a cross-stitched Serenity Prayer that hung in my grandmothers house. I always think of her when I hear the word Courage.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope you will make a change.
Jessica

Happy Birthday Emily Elizabeth Lawson

Nine years ago today, the girl who would forever change my life was born. My water broke a little before midnight on Labor Day. Emily would be the only one of my 3 children, that I would get to experience the "pains" associated with labor! Ironic. Not wanting to wake a sleeping 2 yr old, Scott or the Doctor I cleaned! The contractions were really not bad. Around 5 am I took a shower and called my mom(who is my resident expert on babies since she had four and then raised many more: ). We got to the hospital a little before 9 am and Emily was born by cesaerean section a little before noon. Her shining glory was short-lived though as her father tried to upstage her entrance into the world. After they took Emily next door to clean her up, and were stitching me up, someone stuck their head in the OR and said the dad had just passed out. Most of the attending nurses ran out of the room, leaving me with the two doctors who were admiring my stomach muscles(from the inside)? According to the video that was running, Emily was also left alone while everyone ran out to check on Scott, who did not pass out, but dislocated his shoulder!

I could write a book about the past 9 years of her life, but I think I will wait a few more years. I know her story will have a happy ending!

Jessica

An old note-January 6, 2011

Well it happened...my occasional fall apart over my Emily. It hit me hard yesterday for many reasons. I'll start with how things were:

Before Christmas Emily was doing remarkably well at school,home and everywhere. The chaos that comes with Christmas school parties, plays,etc did have some effect on her, but she fought through it!  I was glad to be able to give her a little "down time" over the break. We have a very structured routine at home. Wake up, eating, bath, bedtimes are the same EVERY day! People have often made fun of me because my rigidity over these routines. For Emily, it is imperative that there is sameness in her daily routine and she knows exactly what we are going to do. Since her transition to full days at school back in October(first time in years that she has gone to school consistently a full day!!!) I have noticed an even STRONGER need for minute by minute structure at home. Weekends are not long enough for it to have a negative affect on her if she gets to free play or watch movies at her leisure. HOWEVER, the Christmas break was TOO long, and she regressed in several areas of behavior and academic skills since I had no structured plan in place. Sending her back to school on Tuesday brought anxiety to us both.

It has been a difficult 3 days, although not the worst BY FAR we have seen from Emily.  YESTERDAY hit me like a ton of bricks. I took her with me to the Parent/Teacher store to spend Anna Grace's free birthday email money. I typically only buy things for Emily in there, but thought I would actually use the money to get Anna Grace something and let Emily get something small. Emily picked out two smencils(smelly pencils) and I got Anna Grace a book. As we went to put our things on the counter, the sales lady looks at the book and starts talking to Emily about how the author is going to be signing books in the store next month. She clearly thought that the book was for Emily. Emily, oblivious, and just excited about her smencils, walks away from her. To all outward appearances, Emily looked like a "typical" 8 year old. I did not bother to explain to her that Emily suffered from an Autism Spectrum disorder,severe anxiety,OCD, developmental delays and could barely read at all. In fact the pencils that we were buying Emily could just recently be used to write her name!! I paid for the items and we went to Occupational Therapy.

When I got home last night I was checking my emails. I had one from a friend with a link to Beth Moore's site. Beth Moore was reccommending a site(something she RARELY does) by a woman who discusses "hidden diagnosis" in children. I found it a sign from God. A blessing sent from a friend to offer me hope and understanding. I got in bed last night and turned on CNN and there before me was "BREAKING NEWS" Vaccination's linked to Autism a fruad! Something I never believed anyway, but just one more thing to top my day off. No tears last night, but I had a good cry in the shower this morning. A place where I often release my emotions over the struggles of raising a special needs child. My tears are washed down the drain with the water and I feel better when I am done.

I have no idea what the future holds for Emily. I tell people SO often, that I see Emily and I spending lots of time traveling when the other two kids are grown and gone. She has her mothers roaming spirit. She makes me laugh so much and that is clearly what gets me through the hard times. Just this morning as we passed the Cook's Pest Control place, she says from the backseat " Hey mama, there's the Macy's Parade"! Anytime she sees a bright yellow star, she automatically goes back three years to being in New York and watching the parade from the street. Maybe we will win the lottery one day and we can just live in New York and watch Broadway shows all the time. Or either live in Orlando and go to Disney World all the time. Two of her favorite places(mine as well!)

Just needed to get these feelings off my chest...