Graduation

It has been a busy few weeks with end of the school year activities. I am worn out physically, mentally and emotionally. I have hit a brick wall which doesn't happen often. I am the strong one who keeps it together. This week has been rough. I have cried more this week than I have in a really long time. Luke graduated from preschool yesterday. He is starting a new exciting chapter in his life and I should be celebrating these times instead of mourning the loss of my "baby". I think my biological clock ticking loudly does not help. I would love to have just one more, but at my age and with my pregnancy history, I know that is not wise. I am also heavy hearted about his Kindergarten placement for the fall. I am requesting an out of school zone transfer due to the difficulties we had with the zoned school when Emily was there. It is a wonderful school where Anna Grace thrived, but I still have so much emotional baggage from the tremendous struggles Emily had. I will not be notified until mid summer if the request is approved. This has added a tremendous amount of stress not knowing where he will be attending Kindergarten. The planner in me doesn't like not knowing or waiting. I am turning it over to God and know that HIS will be done. Not mine.

I am going to the Awards Ceremony and Graduation at Emily's school today. I went last year and it was the most touching ceremony I have ever witnessed. I generally choke up at all graduations so me getting emotional is nothing new. There were two kids that graduated last year, and this year there are 5. I have formed some great bonds with some of the mama's from school this year. They are the strongest group of women I know. I have watched them over the past months and weeks preparing for this day. Although it is so much more than this day. While they have not been helping their child select a college or plan a graduation getaway, they have been filing for guardianship papers. Trying to find places their children can go during the day so they are not stuck at home doing nothing. Finding resources that will enable their children to live full lives well into adulthood. This has been on my mind for so long. I just do not know what the future holds for Emily, yet there is so much planning that must be done for her. Who will take care of her if something happens to me? How independent will she be?

I am so excited for summer, yet I have so much weighing on my mind. I am hoping that I can "graduate" past this point in my life and remain strong for the days to come.

"Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." Philippians 4:6

Thanks for reading,
Jessica