"INDEPENDENT, Do you know what that means?"

The title of the post is from a rap song that Emily heard a jingle from on the radio a few weeks ago. She has been walking around singing "INDEPENDENT Do you know what that means" ever since. It struck me as ironic, since I have noticed much more independence from her in the past six months.

As a mama, I love doing things for my kids. It's part of my job. When Anna Grace was born so prematurely, there was so much physically that she was not strong enough to do. I probably coddled her more than I should have. Nurturing is my nature. When Emily was born, everything I would ask her to do created severe anxiety and behavior issues, so naturally I tried to reduce the stress for her by helping. Having Luke has been such an eye opener for me. I am not sure if it's because he is a boy, if it's just his nature or if it's because he's my third child and I am TIRED, but he is the most independent of my three children. Always wanting to do things himself.

Over the past few months, Emily has started to exhibit signs of independence in several areas. She dresses herself although shoes and socks are still difficult. She always takes her towel to the dirty clothes after bath. She knows if our dog needs to be let in or out. She has started going into the refrigerator and pouring her own drink if it's not too full. If the Gatorade bottle is too full, then she will get a cup and water from the sink. Before bed she gets a stool in order to reach the ice maker for her nighttime water. She still has difficulties with hot/cold, so I have not encouraged her in the food prep area. She independently chooses snacks from the pantry if she is hungry. She can brush her teeth independently and has attempted to toilet independently a few times. Albeit a MESS!! While these things may seem insignificant to most parents of a 9 year old, for me they are major accomplishments. Things I was not sure she would ever be able to do. However small they are, I feel they are good building blocks for more independence in the future. I have hope that she will eventually be able to care for her personal needs completely independent of help.

Another GIANT leap of independence is her ability to go places and do things without me. Her separation anxiety is severe and she has struggled with it over the years. Just recently she went back to get her teeth cleaned without me. The dentist alone causes severe stress and we have just begun to acclimate her to the cleanings. For her to go back without me was a major hurdle. She also independently got her haircut the other day. For the past 9 years, haircuts consisted of using the same stylist with me standing right beside her reminding her to look down and be still. Reassuring her it was ok. I was so proud. There are very few people that I trust with Emily. I have been reluctant to leave her with sitters because of her behavior and anxiety when she misses me.  Previous sitters include family, teachers and therapists but only a handful of times over the past 9 years. She just recently spent the night away from me at my brothers house. We are all surprised she made it through the night and even went in the first place. There are times when I go into her room and she tells me to get out. She really is growing up and maturing in ways that I never thought possible.

I know that I have a great deal of work to do with her in order to make her as independent as possible. I have never pushed her to be independent because it created anxiety. I have waited 9 years and she is showing me that she is ready to make these steps. My prayer and hope is that I can give her the proper tools for her to navigate this world with as little help as possible. She is so proud of herself when she does things by herself. So am I.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica