Riding in cars with kids(who have ASD)

Riding in cars with kids who have an Autism Spectrum Disorder can be challenging, stressful and dangerous.

Emily has never been an easy traveler. Short distances or long distances. She cried all the time in her infant seat. Transitioning to a booster seat created severe anxiety and she would refuse to be buckled. Kicking, screaming, hitting or pulling the hair of anyone in close proximity. I dreaded getting in the car, and was thankful in those early years as a stay at home mom, we actually stayed home for the most part.

Being away from family however, required me to travel over an hour anytime I wanted to see them. It was "easier" for me to travel to them since I didn't work. Anyone who has children on the spectrum that dislike to ride in cars, knows this creates stress and anxiety not only in the child, but for everyone in the car as well. The constant questions of "where are we going"(even though she knows), "what are we going to do" and "where is it" are repeated non stop on long car rides. Ignoring those questions can cause meltdowns of epic proportions. I have had objects thrown at me from the third row of my SUV to the front seat. Siblings have been hit as well when they become frustrated with her repeated questions and tell her to stop. Not to mention the constant crying and screaming that can rattle even the best drivers. This behavior is dangerous for anyone riding in the car with Emily. Yet throughout the years, I have packed my kids up and taken them on long car rides, knowing full well I am going to be a basket case when we arrive. Preparedness is often the key. Having many sensory items within reach, food for her to snack on and anything to occupy her while we travel helps tremendously and there is always plenty in my car. Thank goodness for her iPad, although I have had that thrown at me from the backseat as well.

Short distances are actually worse for Emily. Emily is in the car for a total of 2 hours every day. Thirty minutes in the morning and an hour and a half every afternoon. The constant stopping and starting of the car can create anxiety unlike any I have seen. School traffic is pretty bad here, as it is most places. Waiting in a line of cars to drop off or pick up one of the other kids causes her to cry and tell me to "go". Unfortunately there is no way around this and many times she will hit her sister or brother as they are getting out of the car to go to school. As a parent there is no feeling worse than sending your child into school after a scenario like that. She is remorseful for her actions although controlling them is difficult. I have no control over the traffic or control over her while I am driving. This can be dangerous again for anyone riding in the car with Emily. I can't tell you how many times I have actually had to stop the car to break up fights and calm meltdowns. I am the parent who stands by my words when I say, "Don't make me stop this car."

We have made many social stories and video modeling over the years to help Emily in the car. I am so thankful for her iPad, because she can access the video stories herself if I prompt her while I am driving. She is unable to read, so the social stories only help to reinforce the appropriate behavior before or after a car trip. My daily car rides with her consist of me constantly reassuring her and answering her questions just to prevent a meltdown. Often just engaging her in conversation is enough to distract her from all of the traffic lights or stop signs that require me to stop the car. This is EXHAUSTING, but there is nothing else I can do. I don't have sitters to leave her with while I do carpool in the afternoons for the other two kids. I don't have a magic wand to make the roads clear.

Traveling with Emily is not always an easy feat, but we keep rolling along...

Thanks for reading~
Jessica