Baby Please Don't Go

The title of this post is a Van Morrison song. I am a huge fan of Van Morrison as is Emily. At any given moment she might belt out "Baby Please Don't Go" or "GLORIA". Her theatrics when singing a Van song is quite comical(I will post a video at the end). She feels the music in her body for sure.

Unfortunately "Baby Please Don't Go" reminds me of a serious, less comical issue with Emily. Separation anxiety. I can't "go" anywhere at times. She has severe anxiety and as a baby her separation anxiety was more extreme than any child I have ever known. I was assured she would grow out of it. She really never really grew out of it, although at times it was less intense. The typical ages where separation anxiety is prevalent in children made it almost impossible to go anywhere without Emily by my side. Over the past 9 years there have been countless instances where it was worse than other times. Spring break, Christmas break and summer vacation away from her normal school routine brings it out. The year that she was serviced at home due to the difficulties in school, was the best of both worlds. She was able to learn in an environment that she was comfortable with less stress. However, she became dependant on me and it was decided that if we did not get her back into a school setting, she may never be able to tolerate school. It was with a heavy heart that I sent her back. I see the benefits of her learning to be dependant on others and herself. However, as a mother it is never easy letting go especially when you know that in doing so you are creating stress and anxiety in your child.

When returning from a trip this weekend I told her I was going to unload the car. I closed the door to the garage so the dog would not get out. From outside I could hear her crying for me. Just a simple closing of the door to separate us was too much for her. People often tell me that I need the break from her. In all honesty I love having all of my children around. I don't want or need breaks very often. Today was the first day back at school after spring break. Emily is doing delayed starts to ease the transition.  So today when I dropped her off at school I wanted so badly to say "Baby please don't go", but I know it is for the best.

Emily singing GLORIA .The reason for posting this video last year was to showcase one of the funnier aspects of an ASD trait, mimicing. She had a really hard time getting the technique like she had seen. As a side note...we don't smoke.

Thanks for reading,
Jessica