In honor of Thanksgiving I am writing this post:
Gratitude- the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful
Gratitude is not the same as indebtedness. While both emotions occur following help, indebtedness occurs when a person perceives that they are under an obligation to make some repayment of compensation for the aid.[7] The emotions lead to different actions; indebtedness can motivate the recipient of the aid to avoid the person who has helped them, whereas gratitude can motivate the recipient to seek out their benefactor and to improve their relationship with them
I have had many discussions about gratitude and indebtedness in the past few months. I am one who loves to help others and expects nothing in return. My thanks comes from the satisfaction I feel in providing the aid. I am aware that there are many who need something in return for their time and kindness. Whether it be a simple thank you, a pat on the back, a public show of thanks or some other token of appreciation. I have actually encouraged recipients of aid recently to show their appreciation to those who have helped, because I know that it is beneficial to both parties. It gives the person giving, a sense of appreciation and the person receiving a sense of thankfulness. However, I do have a hard time with those who think that they are "owed" for doing something(which many times is doing nothing). That leads to feelings of indebtedness and sometimes strains relationships. I avoid that at all costs, as relationships are more important to me than ANY public show of appreciation.
Most people know that I like to work quietly behind the scenes and do not want/nor need attention for helping. In fact makes me very uncomfortable to be thanked publicly for doing something that comes natural and from my heart. However, I am always appreciative of the gratitude shown by others for my involvement. It warms my heart when I get private messages, emails and phone calls thanking me. I had an intense discussion yesterday with someone, who I have been helping, when they told me they were going to publicly thank me! First off they knew the reaction they would get as I am always saying "DO NOT MENTION MY NAME". There are many reasons behind my insistance against this public attention, but the main reason is that I just don't feel it necessary to say thanks publicly. They had already told me thanks MANY times privately and I just did not see the need. I am hoping they respect my wishes as I have received all of the gratitude I need and do not want to enter into the world of indebtedness.
I will continue to strive to make my actions speak louder than words and expect nothing in return!
Jessica
