Sun sets on summer

First off this summer was a bust. My typical kids didn't read a book. They didn't go to any summer camps. They sat here and played games and watched tv all summer. Sure we took a few trips and did some fun stuff but my typical summer schedule flew out the window somewhere around the second week of June and I just didn't have it in me to make this one the Best Summer Ever. Sue me.

I could feel guilty about it and in all honesty I do. But here's what I am going to say about that. I spend the entire year, summers included, thinking about my kids. They spend 9 months out of the year absorbing all the information that's thrown at them. I gave them a break. I wasn't in their face asking them to do anything this summer because I had a lot going on myself. I never stopped working with Emily however. Due to serious regression, she isn't afforded the luxury of doing nothing. I am not given a break from helping her. She blossomed this summer because of the work I did with her. I feel GREAT about that.

So to all the mama's who feel like they didn't achieve super star status this summer I say Good Job! Don't let anyone else make you feel like you didn't live up to their expectations of what you should have done with your kids. Unless someone wants to come and be camp counselor in the crazy house that I call home, I am not going to feel badly that the sun sets on summer and it may not have been the best one ever. We survived. And there's always next summer. I hope that the break of summer rested you up for the long days ahead and it's the Best School Year Ever.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

I'm still standing

I came across a quote earlier today that said "On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days is 100%, and that's pretty good."

I immediately started singing "I'm still standing" by Elton John with a visual of an old barn in my mind. I am a bit quirky like that. There are days that I honestly don't think I will get through the incessant talking and questions from Emily and the constant reassuring I do. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. I was successful in getting her to stop asking me questions repeatedly by using a visual with a stop sign. She would ask the same thing over and over every few minutes. However being as smart as she is, she replaced it with something other than a question. A statement. A simple "I love you mama". There are many of my friends who have never heard those words from their kids. I am extremely blessed that she can say them to me. I must respond to her statement with "I love you too." If I do not reply she says it for me and attempts to get me to repeat it. It's a security and attachment issue with her. She only does this to me. I'm not exaggerating when I say repeatedly. This past weekend my brother in law asked me if I had ever tried to count how many times she told me she loved me in a day. It's impossible. If I were to guess I would say 200 at the least. My sister said she would rather her go back to asking questions.

I feel like an old barn at times. I'm still standing at the end of every day no matter how worn and ragged I look or feel. While I sometimes struggle with the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion of raising a special needs kid along with everyday life, I know without a doubt I am loved. Because I hear it approximately 200 times a day. That is enough to keep me standing.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

The lady with the coffee scares me

For the past few days Emily has been saying "The lady with the coffee scares me". I had no idea what she was talking about. It could have been me since I'm never without a coffee cup in the mornings and I can be scary. I asked her if she saw it on a movie or on her iPad to which I got no response other than her repeating that the lady scared her. It was brought up several times a day and I could tell she was visualizing whatever it was and was truly anxious about it.

One of the very first indicators that Emily was not "typical" was when she was around 8 months old. The way she looked at books was odd. She looked at them with a puzzled look and very closely. I took her to a pediatric ophthalmologist who assured me everything was fine. At the age of two her anxiety was so severe that it was debilitating for her. She was scared of everything. Mostly people. It was also at that time when in a crowd of people she was say "Where's mommy?". I would be holding her but she would scan the crowd and ask. I took her back to the ophthalmologist who again told me her vision was fine other than being slightly nearsighted. He did however mention face blindness. She was able to differentiate between family members and those we knew so we brushed it off, but the idea was there that she was not processing faces correctly. It was almost 2 years later before she was diagnosed with Autism.

Individuals with Autism process information differently. I knew that Emily was affected visually more than anything else. I still didn't know how she saw things, only that it was different and often scary for her. Many studies have been done on individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders and the face processing anomaly. The brain perceives faces in a way that makes it difficult for her to recognize the full face. It also makes it difficult for her to read emotions in others. This has affected her life in so many ways. While I can teach her to control her anxiety in relation to her fears I can't change the way her brain views things. It is one of the more difficult challenges I face as a mama to a kid on the spectrum.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

And if you are wondering who the "lady with the coffee" was...

Mama and her man jobs

I am known as somewhat of a man hater. I'm not going to lie, there's a good bit that annoys me about men in general. But mostly I just like the reputation.

As a female, I find it offensive that jobs are defined as either male or female. I take it as a personal challenge whenever I'm told I can't do something because I'm a woman. Not to mention I am a penny pincher. If there is any way I can save a dollar by doing it myself you can bet I will. Just some of the jobs I've done myself instead of calling a repair"man" have included changing the spark plugs on my SUV, fixing broken toilet levers and valves multiple times( autism tends to be the cause of that in our house), replacing the lower coils in the oven, cutting grass, installing washers and dryers(because I refuse to pay a delivery fee. Yes I'm that cheap), along with many chores around the house that are typically male defined. Another important reason for me to take on these jobs is show other women it can be done.

My latest man job was taking down the swing set that a generous neighbor gave to us many years ago. My kids have gotten many hours of enjoyment from it. However, the wood was rotting, the ladder and slide had broken off, it was home to nests of bumble bees and roaches and it was much to unsafe for me to allow my big kids to swing. Emily has sensory needs and swinging is one of them. Having her get injured by swinging too high was not something I could chance so I began a two day job of taking it down with a hammer and my hands.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

I'm full of it

I can't believe I'm blogging yet again about poop. I can't believe I'm about to tell a story about my personal involvement with poop. However, a lot can't be learned from poop and I need to vent, so I will bury my dignity for a moment to dump my load. Pun intended.

Several weeks ago I got a terrible backache. It was shortly after I carried 80 pound Emily down a dirt trail so it didn't surprise me. The pain began to move to my right side under my ribs and I was needing a heating pad to get through the night. I began to worry
that it could be my appendix, gall bladder, kidney. I had only been to the doctor once in 6 years. I am a pretty tough girl and don't go for just anything. But I was in pain and scared so I went to the dr in the box. After some x-rays it was discovered that the source of my pain was constipation. Yes poop. I saw it all right there. I was full of it. Being a coffee drinker I can tell you I am quite regular but for reasons beyond my control I was backed up.

Fast forward a few weeks on a trip to the beach, Luke began to vomit occasionally and was in terrible pain in his side. After three days of this I took him to the emergency room at the beach. Five hours, blood work, IV fluids and x-rays and his diagnosis...constipation. Yes he was full of it too.

Being the parent of a 10 year old on the spectrum I have had my share of poop dialogues. I could write a book about poop. Here's a short list of what I have learned from poop and how it symbolizes life(for me anyway):

1) It stinks sometimes
2) It is painful at times
3) I always feel better when I empty the negative waste out
4) Even being constant in my daily life sometimes I need a good cleanse.
5) Filling my body full of good things(thoughts) will help eliminate the crap.

My list might be longer but I'm on my second cup of coffee and it's kicking in. Moral of my story...Get rid of the shit that weighs you down. Be so full of life and love that nothing negative can stay for long. And keep smiling no matter what.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

Tooth Fairy Fall Apart

I am just going to come right out and say it. I don't like being the tooth fairy. For many years that wasn't my job. I was only responsible for the extraction of the teeth. Having three kids who lose teeth simultaneously sometimes gets a bit expensive. I also did not set the monetary value of teeth. But alas I now have three kids who expect a mighty high compensation for their pearly whites.

Just this past week two darlings lost a tooth. Luke lost his 4th tooth. It's still a very big deal to him. After his last tooth was somehow lost on the playground at school he got $20 for the drama that ensued when he couldn't find it. Well the tooth fairy didn't have a twenty dollar bill this time, she only had a $5. So she left it knowing the next morning would bring gripes and complaints. To which I matter of factly told him the extra $15 went to replacing the food I had to throw away after he peed in the pantry while I was away on a mini vacation.

Now here is really why I don't like being the tooth fairy. Emily doesn't like anyone near her mouth. She also can't stand the sensation of a wiggly tooth. So she has pulled every tooth from her mouth since the age of 6. I don't mind this. It's less work for me. However, pulling a tooth out that isn't quite ready creates all kinds of drama. Usually there's a good bit of blood. Over half of her teeth have broken in half as she pulls them out. One part staying in and the other coming out. All while she runs in circles. Literally runs in circles screaming until the other part comes out. All while I'm chasing her in circles to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. It is not fun to know your child is ripping teeth from her mouth before they are ready.

This was the case the other day. It broke. I have no idea where the other half of the tooth went but we got part of it in a ziplock. Thank goodness. Now the part that's stressful. Putting a tooth under a pillow. We used to have a special pillow that hung on the bed but it got lost. So now the tooth goes under the pillow in a ziplock. Many kids on the spectrum are not good sleepers. I am here to tell you once Emily goes to sleep we all tiptoe around and the lights stay off. Well I waited until I knew she was good and asleep before I crawled across the room(yes I crawl) with her money. She sleeps under the covers and not on the pillow so it's usually a 1 minute in and out job. I have perfected it but the stress of waking her up still petrifies me. She's out. I reach my hand under the pillow for that ziplock that I carefully placed there just two hours before. It's not there. It's NOT there. Now time is ticking. The longer I stay the more chance she is going to wake up. That can't happen. I take a quiet breath and feel again under the pillow. Nope nothing. I know she can feel the heat from my body and hear my heart beating as I carefully feel around in the dark for that ziplock. Nothing. I think maybe it's under the bed. I'm back on all fours feeling around. Still nothing. I decide to go out and get my phone to shine the light. This is already 4 minutes in and I am in near panic mode having to bring in a light. I just know she's going to wake up now. I'm quiet as a crawl back across the room with my phone looking under the bed and on top of the covers. The damn tooth is just no where to be found and I've already been on the job 10 minutes. I'm sweating and my breathing is shallow as I am trying not to panic and wake her up. I do what every good parent does at this point. I put the $5 under that pillow and say to hell with the tooth.

I did find the tooth the next day. She had hidden it under a pile of clothes on the other twin bed in her room. Why? Because teeth don't belong under pillows.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica

Throw back picture of Emily at the age of 6

Can you type it

I made the decision this past year to teach Emily to type. Not as a replacement for handwriting, which is still extremely difficult for her, but as another tool to help her communicate and navigate the world independently.

Emily is able to use a computer. She can play educational games using a mouse and can type if given a model. She uses her iPad to access YouTube and apps that help her with just about every skill she has difficulty with. As with many kids on the spectrum Emily learns by repetition and from watching others. While YouTube is often inappropriate for young kids Emily has a long list of things she likes to watch. Mostly tv shows or movie clips. Since she is unable to spell I am constantly typing what she wants to watch every 15-20 minutes some days. I have decided to use her love of YouTube as a teaching tool. Starting a few days ago I am no longer typing for her. If she wants to watch something then she has to help sound it out and type it herself. Fortunately YouTube has word prediction. While she can't spell she can identify many words. I am also using YouTube as a teaching guide for many life skills that we are just starting to work on, such as gardening. I can take her in the garden and have her type in one of the plants we have, to access videos on that particular vegetable and learn facts about it. I intend on doing this daily throughout the summer to expose her to a variety of new skills. We were also fortunate enough to get an alphasmart keyboard from school to use this summer to type. I will use this to help her compose sentences and stories about what she is learning on her iPad through her experiences. I am hoping that her love of watching videos will motivate her to learn to type as well as learn many new things that will be relevant for the rest of her life.

Thanks for reading~
Jessica